The following post is a guest post from Beth, who has been living in India for years. I had only been on my first date in India for about 30 minutes, and already I was almost in tears and wanted to go home! It was a nightmare! A friend introduced to me to a nice looking Indian guy who asked me for my number. I thought, why not? Several days later I accepted his offer to go out for dinner. But just as we were parking to go into the restaurant he pulled out a three pack of condoms and told me he was ready.
I am sure our experience would have been much more delightful down in the enlightened south. Not one of them has the cojones to say that to our face, of course.
My wife is mostly oblivious to all that or does not seem to care all that much but it sure does sour my mood to the extent of avoiding such small-minded, nasty, negative-vibes emitting groups in public. It feels so sad that you will be judged automatically without even them knowing you as a person but just because of your race. I admire the respect they gave to their moms and what the rest of their relatives has to say but its just sad its so rare a man has successfully stand up and speak what his heart beats for when it comes to love.
All marriages always have been either a bloody start or a man completely disown by his family. There is no amount of pain I can describe losing my Indian love but it has come to a conclusion that I do not matter much than what his mother or family has to say and now he has to end up in an arranged marriage.
My situation is even less complex and I also have conservative values like they do but still it has not validate anything to make them consider me to be a part of their family. Its a complete no, we do not want to talk about her and you should have an Indian wife. It sucks because it is rude, ignorant and racist. Talk about small. As for my perception, I was kind of stuck there and had unnecessary fears of the new and unknown.
Some fears were of people of cultures I had never been in the presence of before.
It was a long process. Now, I am still learning and constantly studying a new language and culture, including Telegu and Hindi. I speak several languages. I also live in a diverse metropolitan area with large exposure to many cultures.
I enjoy this experience exceedingly and often. For example, one of my sisters cannot stand hearing spanish spoken. So much a difference and freedom in getting out of a small frame of mind and ct. It really does often start with fear of unknown. Remember that?
I think a lot of people have mentioned it here, but Indian guys in the west actually have it a lot worse than your situation. Not only is there the occasional social ostracism, but most western white women are incredibly racist against Indian men. Just imagine most of the opposite sex considering you smelly, dirty and undesirable.
Ignorant people are everywhere indeed! Thanks for taking the time to comment and your sweet message. I have noticed in America, people who are racist against Indians, Arabs or whatever hide behind smiles. In India people will openly say how they feel. Both are bad, but honestly I prefer the Indian way!
And all I can say about the old lady in the restaurant is, just feel sorry for her. Imagine how terrible a life she must be having if it makes her feel good to pass judgement on other people? Lastly, I am hopeful there are at least 2 more great Indian power guys out there for us and will keep my eyes open for us both! I am just amazed by your experiences in Bangalore.
I am your favorite fan and have posted in different incarnations in your delectably seductive blog. I am your ardent admirer. I am speaking from experience having taken my ex-wife and current girlfriend to Indiaboth white westerners. I live in California. Oh, that wicked witch of a judgemental older Indian woman? Living here in the USI have dated the rainbow coalitionmostly white women was married to a white american woman but also women of other colors. Currently, I am engaged to a white american woman again took her to India and being a pale-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman either got treated in extremeseither like a celebrity unlike the boring Indian guy next to her moi!
My girlfriend ironically is a socially conservative, meditating, yoga type more into Hinduism than me and more into India than me even though she is a westerner! Oh well! India is as prejudiced as any other country and is based on ignorance, lack of exposure and the older generation especially those who experienced British India can be prejudiced towards whites!
I am sorry you had to experience this awful scenario but hopefully, your experiences have been wonderful! Thanks for your sweet reply. I am glad you appreciated my wacky humor especially about wacky, bigoted, narrow-minded, gossipy, washed out Indian auntie types! When I got my divorce from my american ex-wife, I realized quickly that I am stuck with dating western women. My reasons:. When a progressive, liberal, educated, post-modern, Europeanized Indian man like me attempts to date an Indian woman, divorced or never married, he is inevitably dragged into primitive, medieval, 19th century, maybe even 18th century Indian cultural baggage.
Groan, a No-No-No for me! Not even one of the several western many american women I have dated ever considered me to be a lesser human for being divorced. Like-wisetheir divorced statuswith or without kids was immaterial to me. Most of my Indian male friends, divorced from their Indian wives have inevitably hitched up married with american or other western women and likewise with divorced Indian women albeit to a lesser extent.
It is almost impossible to meet at the far end of the west or the far end of the east but you meet at the cross-roads. The sunsets are better at the cross-roads. Ironically, my current american gf, my fiancee finds me more desirable that I am divorced, have the life experiences and I find her to be more desirable that she too has a similar past, albeit she is a bit younger.
Plus the fact that she is madly in love with Indian culture more so than I am into Indian culture allows us to meet at the East-West cross-roads where the sunsets are better! I like my wine, beer, European art, European films and elegant European meals. She likes her version of Indian culture, Indian art, Indian music and an Indian guy to share it with to boot!! So, I look forward to reading and absorbing your intellectual and cultural depth and of course, your dazzlingenchanting beauty!
I have always found Vanilla and Cappuccino mix my skin color to be tastier than just plain vanilla or just plain Cappuccino! Inthis hilarious French comedy about a tall blonde french detective was an incredibly successful film. Holy cow, you need to start a blog hahaha Daaaang that was long.
May 12, All these apply towards dating an Indian man, but specifically to Indian men dating other Indians. If an Indian man asks out a non-Indian, it would be safe to assume that they take a cosmopolitan view on dating and are probably part of whatever culture encourages it. Jun 05, That he will worship you and lust over you because you have white skin. White skin in India is like wining a lottery. Most people will kiss the ground you walk on including your boyfriend most probably. So, you are at a very convenient position. Y. Indian men to then to think that foreign caucasian girls are easy (of course not everyone is like that). There are a lot of factors to that. Cultural difference, media, porn, etc. Girls need to maintain a level of caution when dating Indian men, but also don't shun them as Indian guys can be the nicest persons you would ever meet.
Fun to read. Women are believed to be goddess of house who brings luck, knowledge, etc etc but it is also true that many early settlers in west were the ones who married white women today their generations are every where. Hey AngelaI came across your blog today and fond it very Interesting.
Its not just about dating white girls,they would have issues even if the guy is dating an Indian girl who spoke a different language. You should read this book called two states by Chetan bhagat.
But yeah one more thing ,not everyone is like that, my sister has an American boyfriend and will be marrying him next month. She was just jealous and envious of you. So chill and have fun. Please let me add my two cents here I am a white American woman who is married to a gorgeous Indian man who was born in India. We are both professionals. We have a lovely young son. Also, he is a few years younger than I am.
It was a bit difficult for his parents at first but they are wonderful people who now love and accept me and our marriage. Yes, Indian women do stare at me when we go out. I have just gotten used to this as a cultural thing. Also, because I am different- blonde hair, blue eyes, and very fair skin. My Desi man is sexy, smart, loving, and a wonderful husband and father who does his fare share of child rearing and housekeeping.
What could be better? Hamraj is my name, my mother is forcing me to marry a Indian girl, I want to marry a white woman. I love the radiance of white women, it invigorating! I came across your blog as I am a white woman in Texas who has dated multiple Indian men. Whilst one was Catholic I am too he told me that his mother would not approve because I was not Indian. My current boyfriend is Hindu and we have not had this conversation yet, but it scares me.
Perhaps I should start dating back within my own ethnicity so this hurt does not keep happening? Best of luck to you!
I wanted to make a comment. Firstly, white woman are pretty, but ignorant and reserved here for the most. They tend to prefer their own clan. Ask me. By the way I have the best personality, well groomed and have an excellent figure and wheatish face.
It just redneck here. So in my case what Ajay Texas said does not apply. I really loved reading your post and I have so much to comment on your review on dating indian men but I want to keep it short.
It is very unique and rare in white girl to have a taste for Indian men. They are not only good looking but well educated and highly attired women.
The another thing I also wanted to say that indian women are generally very conservative, sometimes in good ways and also bad ways. The woman who laughed at you is probably not even literate. So, there is nothing to worry at all, you will find these people every day in life and is also disappointing that experiencing this event in really top class restaurant like samarkhand, is very unlikely and should not happened.
However, there a thousands of people in bangalore who have all the money to buy designer wear bags and not even able to pronounce the brand correctly. I really dont like to talk about it. However, they will surely accept a blonde girl as there daughter in law, if I feel she is the one for me.
I am pretty sure that if my child is ready to marry ethnically different person, I will agree on it. I hope you find a amazing husband. If you make Indian parents fall in love with you, the marriage is literally done. Your comment made giggle, thanks for that! I will probably never see that particular Indian man again but I will always cherish that time and the experiences I had with him around Bangalore. By the way, I went to UCI for about a year, lived in Newport Beach on 39th Street at that timehad a white Jeep Wrangler and used to roller blade on the boardwalk every night.
I have very happy memories from that time. I lived in El Segundo for 1 yr and had a business in Dwtn L. A on 7th and Grand. I have not been to Bangalore since 94, but reside in Mumbai when I go to India. The best part about me is I can date or marry a white girl and there are no restrictions. How easy can it get. You are forgetting that generation that was talking bad about you, came from being on the cusp of being disrespected, raped, and otherwise mistreated by the british.
There were whole streets in Calcutta where indians were not allowed and a lot of that anger and hatred carries forward.
Nothing new about that, in the US we routinely get asked the same stupid and equivalent dumb questions whenever something bad in Pakistan, the middle east, or any non-white country occurs. You look like a wonderful person, enjoy your time. The divorce and kid thing also has nothing to do with you, if you were Indian and the same thing you would have the same issues, and it is not that you are divorced it is that they believe you have a pattern for leaving your husband so you will repeat.
Hello, Great to hear about your experiences with Indian men and wish you the best. I love my wife dearly and we have a wonderful relationship. I have dated women of other races in the past. A lot of it has to do with their attitudes and lack of understanding and integrating with life in America.
Like many traditional indian men, they base their understanding of American on movies or books rather than real life or approach American women like they were Indian and come across as pushy and domineering here. I mention this in response to some of the posts citing racism in America.
If they were to approach an American woman on the same cultural playing field as an American man, since they are in America, it would work.
I am not dominant or pushy and just ask to go for coffee and they refuse outright. I have lived here all my life, so no excuses that I am Indian etc. I play sports and am not intimidated by any white guy or girl, so integration is not an issue. Yes it is racism here period. I told you it has just started to change, but you hardly see mixed couples here. I rest my case. I think its better to marry in the same culture you brought up because it adds less complication to relationship.
I am not saying not to date anyone beyond your culture if you knew you can handle it with dignity and trust. My parents came from India but i grew up in Asia pacific in an eastern European neighbor hood community.
Infact you can say i grew up with them their culture their tradition makes me feel home. And the ladies i dated are all from Eastern European none from India. Because i knew there is big difference in culture and i may not able to handle stress that comes with it. I married my Romanian sweet heart and we have 6 year old daughter from this marriage.
If you ask me if we had problem sure like every couple but never had cultural problem coz i understood her culture very well.
If you are uncertain of different culture then its better you stick to your own. Indian families do not encourage dating when in school and prefer to fix matches for their children when the time is right.
Some of them will look at dating as just another means of getting married. Because pre-marital sex is taboo among Indian families, Indian men may think that dating is an easy way to have sex.
You should have clear boundaries on what you will share and when you will decide to get intimate. The values, traditions, taboos, outlook on life of an Indian man is a world away from how you perceive life as a western woman and what you want to do with it.
While it is true that love can overcome any barriers, knowing what these barriers are upfront will save you the trouble of going through a heartache after investing a lot of time and energy in a relationship.
Indian families want their children to excel in everything! So much so that this emphasis on beating the competition means Indian men may not have a well-rounded personality. Unlike western education, the emphasis in Indian schools is on rote learning and doing well in competitive exams.
There is scant opportunity for Indians to pursue things they like. You will rarely find Indian men taking a break from their studies and go on a backpacking trip halfway across the world!
While progressive attitudes towards gender equality are now more prevalent in India, the role of a woman in a traditional Indian family has always taken a backseat when compared to that of men.
If you think he is overprotective or controlling, remember where it is coming from and decide if you want to conform to his idea of a relationship. Dating an Indian man is usually a package deal. Left to them, they would want their son to live with them even after marriage. Some Indian men may tell you up front that the relationship may not have a future while others will cross the bridge breaking the news to their family when it is needed.
It will be rare for an Indian family to easily digest the fact that their son is going with a white woman. Brace yourself for some drama on this front. If you believe you love your man and imagine a future with him, do what you can to endear yourself to his family. Maybe try wearing traditional Indian dresses or learn to speak his language or cook something for the family. When you are dating an ABCD, you will probably feel more at home as there is a lot more shared values and understanding of what dating actually means.
They carry with them whatever perception the media has created about white women in India. Indian men think that western women are promiscuous because of what they see on screen. Some of them see an opportunity to have sex with White women away from the prying eyes of family and friends. Some of them just want to let loose and have fun in a relatively liberal society. As always, there are exceptions and you will find a fine Indian gentleman to date irrespective of his immigration status!
However, understanding the mental frame of mind and cultural background will help you mitigate culture shock when dating. Unlike western countries, where there is a variety of sports to pursue, cricket dominates India.
If you care to understand the game and can relate to it, you will be a keeper! Food also plays a central role in Indian culture.
Indian men are a spoilt lot not only by the pampering showered on them by their mothers but also by the choices they have when it comes to their diet. Learning to cook a few Indian dishes or even developing a taste for them is a sure shot way to impress Indian men. There are regional language movies that have millions of passionate fans and your man could be one of them. The intermingling of races and culture is not a new phenomenon.
Even in the times of the British RajIndian women ended up marrying the British rulers. The Anglo-Indian community in India emerged as a result of this unlikely racial intermingling. In modern times, the growth of commerce and a booming economy attracts droves of westerners to visit India and millions of Indians travelling to the west for work and leisure.
The end result is that a white woman or even an African American or Latino dating an Indian man is not news anymore. Here are some articles from white women who have dated or married Indian men. Read these articles to get their first-hand perspective on what works and things that can trip your relationship. But first, get your head out of the clouds, and prepare for the tribulations of dating. After all, you will find the diamond only in the rough!
Draw a clear line about what you will do or what you want and always stick to your guns. Do have your cell phone with you on dates, charged and GPS on. Be prepared for the vagaries of the weather and the volatile conditions in Indian cities, where a bandh might break out at any moment for any reason.
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Reflections from a White Woman on Dating An Indian Man If you are a regular reader of my blog I'm sure you will be happy to learn that in January - after about 18 months - I finally met a SINGLE smart, handsome Indian power guy (ahhhh the best kind!) who I basically fell head-over-heels coo coo for 'at first sight' and we started dating. Mar 11, Dating Indian Men: The Good Hey, if you are trying to find out about dating Indian men, you probably are looking for more than a fling, you want to find the ONE. Even according to the oracle of the modern days, Wikipedia, dating is a social construct for finding a suitable partner for marriage.
Dating Indian men: The ugly side What are Indian men like when it comes to dating? Indian men are pack animals! Ego and the Indian man are blood brothers Every He Indian man thinks it is beneath his dignity to admit he actually wants to enjoy your company and wants to get to know you better or that you have other better options out there. Been there, done that maxed out The ultimate reason for all the tribulations in dating Indian men?
Well-heeled and respectful The cache of Indian men is increasing in the western countries too, they tend to be well educated, well employed, and stick to the centuries-old tradition of living within their means. Dating Indian men and reeling the right one in! Your experiences are also pretty interesting especially about the guy who assumed sex on first date seeing some sitcoms which is a very clueless 90s thing to do.
I agree that that Indian men need a bit more maturity when it comes to dating as the concept of romance is still culturally a bit different from an Indian point of view and there are biases. Comments and thoughts on it are definitely helpful for women traveling and dating in India.
It is well written and I believe the people you have met are of mentality you have described. But it is not true for general males of India.
Your Guide to Dating an Indian
Most of us know basics of dates and do not follow the trends of TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives you have mentioned. Most of the foreigner in Goa, Kasol, Rishikesh meet guys who are either drivers, hotel managers, yoga teachers or agents or friends of them who are not well educated to understand feelings of a girl and basics of a relationship. I would propose to get along with teenagers of your age like college students, corporate guy because most of these youngsters are known to the facts like Dressing modestly, pulling out a three pack of condoms on the first date.
Would you date an Indian? Do you find Indian men attractive ?
Yes, I do agree that most of boys in India do live with their parents before marriage and usually their wife also get along in the same house. But it is because India does not have the fashion of separate house completely. But It is now changing since most of them are working in Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and they buy their own house with the same logic.
I have so many best friends in Goa who are Indian men. It would be false to hide the other side of what happens here. Instead of being annoyed that other Indian men do this and worrying it makes you look bad, realize that this IS happening, and people are traveling India dealing with this and try to do positive things to balance this out or help stop these things when you see them happening. It makes me feel ashamed, but this is really a problem.
Indian men to then to think that foreign caucasian girls are easy of course not everyone is like that. There are a lot of factors to that.
Cultural difference, media, porn, etc. There would be many cultural differences that both the parties will need to get used to and understand. Not many Indian guys will date any girl for like years before getting married. The concept of dating is not that prevalent over here. So expect a marriage proposal sometime within 6 months to a year, if the guy is serious about you and sees a future together with you. I just cant believe miss jones, to be in goa you left your nursing career? I Feel really ashamed as an Indian to read such a shameless act committed by my own countryman.
Anyway, hope that no one else encounter such incidents in the future. You talk like a saint. I know lots of things about USA and how they treat girls.
Can I show you? Indian men and women are attractive enough and we should be that to each other. As a nation that is continuously insulted by western countries and similar states as a nation of poverty-stricken savages or an ugly group of people who want their white women, the least we can do is grow some self-respect, marry our own kind and work towards developing our own state with heads held high.
I can relateI have some friends who are crazy about these stuffs so they just ignores Black or Brown girls over Whites,which I presume is Racism. I have some Foreign friends so I know how much is it to live in India as a Foreignerthere are some morons with their annoying behaviour and you may have already seen this across Social medias,how they are crazy about getting them but there are also nice people.
Found this article because my boyfriend lives in the US is Indian, and his family is all still in India. He is preparing to let them know I American exist, and I was just looking into what to expect. The story that a man took out 3 condoms in parking lot appears fake and over exaggerated for the following reasons.
Of course it appears funny and is useful in forcing people to read further. He parked the car at a restaurant and not outside a hotel so why would he show condoms suddenly. It is almost impossible to have sex in parking lot of any Indian restaurant. This idea has been picked directly from Hollywood movies 3.
As an Indian man binge watching American shows and even my friends have been watching American shows from a long time but desperate housewives or Sex in the city are not quite popular among Indian men. So that mention also points out to the some fakeness.
Before starting the story it is good to sort out the facts right.
Foreign readers who are the intended audience might believe coz they are not aware. Your first thought is to assume the woman telling this story is a liar and exaggerator interesting!
Wow, some very interesting anti - India propaganda there, as usual! I am Indianlive now in Kolkatabut was born and brought up in Berlin, Germany. Berlin is an international city, and I have seen GermanBritishAmerican women all do their thing, living it up. I am also aware of how often white women become victims of date-rape and gang-rapecourtesy their oh-so-civilised white boyfriends.
And then ,suddenlywhen you all come to India, you all become virtuous, decentself-respecting ladies!
Who do you think you are fooling? NO ONE. And I have also been to the United Arab Emirates, where I have seen white women tourists get into cars with complete strangers- rich sheiks by the way, in order to sell sex for money.
Where was their sense of self-respect then? Who likes hypocrites?
We ,the intelligent, widely travelled population of India have called your bluff long ago. If any Indian men are reading this, my advice to you is- avoid white women like the plague.
No wonder thousands of Americans who want to have a decent family come to south-east Asia to find brides! They have had enough of your double standards too. A tbousand apoplogies for the vile garbage in the above comment that was made in my name by an arsehole who was using my computer! Delete this piece of trash immediately-you are so right about Indians. I am very sorry for the hurt caused by this extreme racist bullshit this motherfucker spewed out from MY computer.
Delete it immediately! Once again, extremely sorry for the hurt this caused. My comment below will tell you how I really feel about your topic.
I was shocked when I came back to India to see how western women are treated.
What is like dating indian man
Never about girlfriends or whether they are married or not. This immediately signals disinterest in matters of romance or sex. See the reaction. If he becomes uncomfortable, you know what he really wants. These three initial tests usually give a good idea of who you are dealing with. Guys who react very positively to this approach make for good friends you can really hang out with and count on.
In that case, good luck.