As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Follow Us. Skip to content. Is this a childhood friend or someone you consider a best friend or sister? Would you be devastated if she never spoke to you again?
Jun 14, Sometimes dating your friend's ex is all good, and sometime it's really not. Ask yourself these 10 questions before you go there. There appears to be an "unspoken" rule or "girl code" when. Mar 17, It doesn't matter how long you dated your ex, who broke up with who, or if you're still sometimes hooking up with him, it still feels like a slap in the face to find out your friend is dating him.I mean like Gretchen Weiners said, ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends, that's just like, the rules of susanneill.com the reality is that it happens, and sometimes it happens to you. Apr 12, Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex. If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship. Ultimately, however, this could just end up damaging your relationship with your friend%(28).
This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you'll find a sympathetic ear. However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact.
If you need to vent about one of them, find a neutral party. Respect boundaries without making assumptions.
For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her. But don't assume she doesn't want an invite if you haven't asked! In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it. Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.
This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that I think of it. Set aside time for each of them and honor it - don't drag your lover along on girls' night out not even if your lover is a lady; queer chicks are so bad about thisand don't invite your friend to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner at home.
Ask Molly Ringwald: my best friend is dating my ex - I can't forgive them
No comparisons. Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday. No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird.
Clear guidelines on when to bother with a best friend's ex. Use your best judgment and hopefully you'll get the friend and the guy. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. Mar 27, I split up with my ex a year ago and quickly started dating. I met someone nice, but within weeks I discovered that my ex and my best friend had started a relationship. When I found out, I felt a Author: Molly Ringwald. Mar 27, 5 Rules for Dating Your Ex's Friend (Also, Can You Even Do That?) Sometimes it seems like the universe just likes to laugh at your life. That's certainly the case when you find yourself attracted.
Besides, comparing yourself to anybody - even if you come out ahead - is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy. So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it. You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble.
Don't be paranoid. Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back. Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love. And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part.
Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.
Don't pry into their relationship. It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge.
My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex! Help?!
Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated. Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera.
If they choose to share details with you, that's fine - you don't need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made see No. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don't need to know anything they don't care to tell you.
Recognize that some exes really are off-limits.
It's easier, of course, to have hard-line rules - "exes are never OK" versus "exes are totally fine" - but that's not the world we live in. If someone seriously mistreated your friend we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.
Friend dating my ex boyfriend
This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad.
Just walk away.
Jul 16, After I found out my ex and friend were dating, I cried for hours on my best friend's couch. There was a seam in the sofa that had been wearing away for years, pieces of stuffing frequently. Jun 14, I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common, especially if you live in the suburbs, where everyone knows everyone. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to handle it and how to keep from going insane: 1. Your ex and "your friend" are the ones who should feel stupid, NOT YOU! I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to handle it and how NOT to go insane: 1. Your ex and "your friend" are the ones who should feel stupid, NOT YOU! What they are doing is really uncool and unacceptable. YOU have done nothing to warrant their behavior. 2.
A tough question but you really need to know the answer. The reason is, she is going to accuse you or feel as if you had another agenda the entire time.
Steer clear of him. Ask about his friends. Were They In Love?
Was this a casual 3 month stint or was this something where years and years were invested? How Long Were They Dating?
So tread forward with caution if they both say it was just a fling but if one person seems hesitant, leave it alone. Was Intimacy Involved? Were They Married? Yes you may have had a really great friend in high school or college but over the years you lost touch. Their ex may be an option depending on how you met them.