Our travel guides are all about the best places to eat, drink, and adventure just like the locals. Vagabondish is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Read our disclosure. I stole a quick glance at the photos that were mounted on the wall behind him.
I didn't know much about China back then - a time when I could only communicate in Mandarin with a dictionary and lots of patience, and where my entire cultural knowledge was amassed from the library books on China I borrowed during the summer.
But I figured surely I wasn't alone in my feelings. Surely the other female foreign teachers at my college had secret crushes of their own. How could these women just write off all Chinese men as undateable? The question haunted me as I pondered my crush on Tian. But it wouldn't be the last time I would find myself up against these ideas. As I continued to date the locals in China and eventually married a fellow from Hangzhou, I would come to realize that most expat women in China agreed with my Zhengzhou colleagues.
And sometimes, their dislike was just shocking. A European woman I worked with in famously told me that, while she found all Chinese men completely repulsive, she considered Chinese children so adorable. Back inI discovered a post on a now-defunct blog authored by expats in Shanghai. In the still, he's locked in an awkward slow-dance embrace with a girl an entire head taller than him, but that's not even the worst of it.
While she leans her head on his in perfect contentment, he has his cheek buried in her bosom while staring at it with a prurient curiosity that surely would have snapped the girl out of her reverie. At the time I was only beginning to learn about negative stereotypes of Asian men that American TV, movies and the media had perpetuated over the years: effeminate, weak, nerdy and, worst of all, sexless and less endowed in a ahem certain department.
The woman who wrote that post never specifically said any of these things about local men in China, but she didn't have to.
Long Duk Dong took care of that. Then again, her post appears downright classy in comparison to what I've read in the free-for-all world of anonymous expat forums across China. There was a brief time when I tried combing these forums in search of discussions about dating Chinese men, hoping to gain some insights, but I soon gave that up. Whenever anyone dared to broach the subject, usually someone would quickly pounce on the thread and sully it with some juvenile comment about Chinese men that wasn't all that different from that Long Duk Dong movie still.
The worst of these threads generally devolved into a low-brow, expletive-laden conversation more appropriate for a bathroom stall. This Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences professor surveyed over Western women from diverse countries including France, Germany and the USA via questionnaires, and then interviewed over 20 of them in a focus group in Shanghai.
One American participant in the study actually blamed Hollywood for projecting a poor image of Chinese men around the world, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking of Sixteen Candles at the time. Look across East Asia or, for that matter, any country in the Western world, and you'll notice a very revealing gap in the Asian interracial dating world: lots of Asian women and Western men together, and nary an Asian man with a Western woman in sight.
A total of couples of Western men and Asian women versus only six couples of Asian men and Western women including him and his Brazilian wife. You could substitute Hong Kong with the name of any country or region in the world and end up with comparable results.
I agree that culture plays a role when you're a foreigner in China dating the locals. I've experienced my share of cultural misunderstandings in my relationships in China, including my own marriage, and have even blogged about.
Yet when I think about the global reach of this problem, and the fact that it's even tough for Western-born Chinese to score a date outside of their own race, I know deep down that cultural differences - as much as they matter in relationships - cannot alone account for why few Western women date Chinese men. When I think about how a racist caricature from Hollywood gets tossed around among expats as a symbol of Chinese men - and Westerners from around the world harbor consistently negative views of Chinese men - I realize there's a dark side to this whole discussion.
So here's where the conversation gets a little uncomfortable. Whenever expats discuss racism in China, we usually focus on Chinese people and their racist attitudes such as the experience of being black in China. These are very critical discussions that we need and should continue to have. But what about the conversations about expats themselves and their own homegrown stereotypes and prejudices about Asians and Chinese people? When will we as expats begin to confront these, our very own baggage that we inadvertently pack along with us in our overseas journeys to the Middle Kingdom?
More importantly, when we will learn that in any given country and culture, there exists a diversity of individuals and personalities? That's true anywhere in the world, including China. Whenever someone dismisses China's entire male population as undateable, they're essentially denying that diversity.
No Sex in the City: What It's Like to Be Female and Foreign in Japan
And believe me, there is incredible diversity when you actually open your eyes and your heart to the possibility. I'm reminded of that Western women and Chinese men have submitted to my blog, giving me the honor and privilege to experience that on a personal level. This fall marks 15 years since I first set foot in China. It's also 15 years since I first learned that most Western women in China refuse to date Chinese men. Yet a decade and a half later, I'm still pondering this issue.
And I can't help but wonder how many decades it will take before it's no longer an issue for expats in China. It gives me an opportunity to share and inspire pride in them. There is quite a bit of research behind this hypothesis, but you would have to synthesize several different sources to grasp the broadview.
For example, many studies contradict one another, but they draw from different demographics those who study English, people of certain industries, general population, etc.
It is stressful enough to be confident in public with the intention of getting laid. But when a woman approaches me and she either speaks my language with a heavy accent or a foreign language, my confidence rapidly deflates. How do I be charming? How do I be funny? I know this is a character flaw, but I feel most men take upon this responsibility when they are single and mingling. No, make great friends with them. They will be your wingman. It is much easier for Japanese men to talk to foreign men.
We, as a gender, understand eachother enough to know when they are interested in talking to a woman. We will go up to the Japanese guy and make them feel comfortable in talking with you. I help my female friends here in this way, to great success. I am balding, but some women like that! Daddy issues are awesome. The only men confident enough to approach them are also arrogant and selfish.
Foreign men, however, are eager to date and approach women. So perhaps that is the two-headed serpant: Japanese men are not successful in approaching women, so many women including women of different cultures experience a much less active sex life.
And who is there to pick up the slack? The non-Japanese men, of course. I do feel we have an immediate advantage though. There is something about the mystery, exoticism, and uncertainty of a foreigner to a woman that simply makes things easier for men.
It is convensional wisdom within our culture, often depicted in film and television, and I believe that attitude translates to Japan. They are fat, evil and smell like yeast. They seem to be expecting some thing that they do not deserve. I say stay away eeeuuuwwww! Western woman black or white. Bitterness abounds. So you were mad that guys you felt were below YOUR standards were somehow dating out of what you considered their league to be?
Sounds like you deserve to be alone. Around 12 shots into the evening one of them said that a common belief among his countrymen was that western women have big, loose vaginas to accommodate the larger western penises, and that white and black women were seen as less desirable in Japan due to that fact. Otherwise, hello bit bucket! Afriad indeed. The problem is that American women are known the world over as being self-centered and demanding princesses who feel like men should be kissing up to their posteriors.
I think there are a lot of people commenting who have very little or no personal experience of living in Japan. The Japanese have a huge awe for the West and pick and choose many fashion and cultural elements to blend in with their own culture, but they do not take the culture that have given birth to them- they seem a superficial wrapping on top of the Feudal class system that exists in a very way today in japan.
Suntorry time. The down side is that you will never really be able to integrate deep down. Japan is quite an old fashioned place in many respects, and conformity is rife, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down. One last comment, failure is seen as very un-macho in Japan.
As an average looking, career-successful, white guy in the US, I felt the same way.
Mar 13, 5 Korean Dating Rules that May Surprise You My heart melted at that first sight of his big sesame-oil brown eyes. And I as I came to know him better, he didn't disappoint me. He always opened doors for me and wouldn't leave my side until he . Dating in japan as a foreigner - Is the number one destination for online dating with more marriages than any other dating or personals site. If you are a middle-aged woman looking to have a good time dating woman half your age, this advertisement is for you. How to get a good woman. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. No Sex in the City: What It's Like to Be Female and Foreign in Japan To be fair, I was dating someone (another foreigner) at the time so it was no skin off my nose - besides, like you, I was happy for the nerds-made-king - but I definitely noticed the difference between the Western woman's lot and the Western man's.
Having then tried expat life in Japan, I am glad there is a place where some of us are more appreciated. I second divemedic. American women are a common object of ridicule among the Europeans as are Americans generally. I never heard them discussed by the Japanese but when I would solicit opinions they were polite but negative. Nevermind what Jeff said.
I would say that 90 percent of both the female AND male commenters have had very interesting, polite and intelligent things to say on the subject. Honestly American women tend to have a terrible reputation the world over, and i can only imagine how ingrained these stereotypes and rumours get ingrained when it comes to places as xenophobic as Japan. Right on. What Western Women think is attractive to men is not what men in any other country except Western Countries want.
Dating in japan as a foreigner reddit
They are viewed as feminazis, narcissistic, histrionic, materialistic, shallow, and useless. Now I am not one to generalize, but even from my own experience, I cannot say this viewpoint is not that far from the truth. Why else do you think America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world? And all of those things I just said do not come from my mouth, but from the mouths of others. Sorry if I offend anyone, as I do not mean to attack anyone personally.
This is just what I have experienced and heard through my many travels around the world. I think your problem was how you went about trying to meet people. I come from London, and strangers rarely talk to each other in busses or trains, or in coffee shops. At time, I was just waiting for a bus.
I think it might be similar in Japan. Instead, you need to go to some kind of social club. I dunno, though. Heh heh. Honestly, American men across the world are considered the best husbands and are held on a pedestal as the way a man should be. As I stated in my earlier post, American women are valued on the other end of the spectrum. As I made clear earlier, this is NOT coming from my mouth or expereinces, but solely from what other men and women across the earth have told me.
But after seeing women from all different cultures, I would agree that it is the blatent truth. Looks are rather unimportant, but I will touch on them anyway, since you would think all that narcissism would be a positive influence on outward appearance. With obesity being such a problem, much of the population is already discarded.
Asian women are very attractive and fit too. Latino women are incredibly sexy as well. If you had paid more attention to Charisma Man and looked past his beards, baldness, middle age, stringy hair, you would notice that the Charisma Man meets Japanese women inside the Gaijin Bubble and they tend to stay there. When foreigners are primarily around other foreigners, they have virtual home field advantage when they meet and socialize with the opposite sex: they talk in their native language perhaps with a smattering of Japanese here and there to sound not completely bubble talk about things that they know about pop culture, politics, life in Japan as a foreignerand can keep the conversation from being driven outside of their comfort zone as the Japanese partner is outnumbered.
But the reality is that any short term less than three years non-Japanese is going to spend the majority of their time in that bubble whether they want to be there or not or alone because admission into the Japanese bubble simply requires more time, experiences, and exposure than a year as an English teacher can provide.
Men, both in Japan and in Western cultures, are not expected to be submissive, despite the advances in sexual equality. They are expected to lead. And if the relationship has legs, he can take his relationship back home to his native country, where he can continue to have home field advantage with respect to language, work, culture, and friends.
The Japanese man? No chance of a long term relationship, as he knows that If he follows, he will live permanently outside his home field advantage. There are a few men that take that plunge, of course. But they are the minority. There are always exceptions, of course some Japanese men love being in the Gaijin Bubble, and most Japanese women actually hate it.
To summarize: the reason you had a hard time meeting Japanese men is because you needed to live here longer, speak more Japanese, and hang out with less foreigners. Sometimes yes - I mean, if they are from Hollywood. Truth is, in my opinion, talking to a stranger is not so common in Japan as you expect, especially among younger generation or in big cities like Tokyo and Osaka and maybe this is one of the reasons of the growing unmarriedness of the population here in the society going individualistic.
As a result, most guys here, including me, hardly know them personally and are scarcely so interested in them, from the first place. To sum up, what is strange is not that Western women are unpopluar, but that Western men are popular. Women of the Anglosphere are going to have to realize that they have low market value on the global dating scene.
As a first generation immigrant here in the US I was shocked at the incredible amount of self-conceited arrogance of the average American woman, acting in ways that would have never flown in the old country, and American men are saints for tolerating them.
For this reason I only date other expats. I have an Australian friend who was living at Seoul teaching English and had the exact same problems as you. Needless to say she gave up after a while and hooked up with the first expat to show interest in her.
Jacqui B. I lived last year near Hamamatsu, and one of the biggest shocks for me was definitely the charisma man effect! But I had a harder time cheering those guys on. Are you kidding me? With a time frame that short, I seriously doubt you understood much of what was going on around you. So which stereotype is it? Six months and less than one year in the case of the author : Not enough time to learn a language.
Not enough time to settle into the community. Not enough time to develop a career. Not even enough time to need a non-temporary visa. What a joke.
Real relationships take time. Casual sex? A bonus if you can blame the Western man rather than the Japanese man or Japanese womanbecause then nobody can call you out for being racist or sexist. Anyway, hope you have a better time in Argentina. I suggest you do a web search before you go: Latin America and Eastern Europe are also considered to be difficult terrain for expat Western women in addition to Southeast Asia and Japan.
Charisma Man - I agree. It is probably best for them to stay home and limit time abroad to vacations or have more realistic expectations and a willingness to make a more serious commitment before they leave. A lot of these complaints read like an 18 year old writing home during his first month away at college. Move to a latin country. I would say Mexico because thats where Im from and its very beautiful, but the truth is right now I would not recommend it for drug cartel reasons.
However, there are many other latin countries, including Spain, that have sort of the same culture of loving the sight of Western women, where the only thing you need is to be blonde to be automatically attractive to most men. Once u realize we foreigners are a small minority, we should spend more time building relationships with other foreigners. I run foreigner friendly drinking parties in Ikebukuro and yes white and black women come too. To save time, you should ask me to make that introduction.
It breaks down barriers quickly to be direct and honest. InI visited Japan for a three weeks as part of the U. Judo Goodwill team. I on the other hand, being of asian decent half chinesewas completely ignored. Why would we want to date you, when your contempt for us is so obvious? Interesting article. I am thinking about making a move to teach in Japan from South America.
I just want to live in a more modern country with a higher standard of living. I have always imagined that Japanese guys hate american guys or something.
I guess I thought this because I read that in Japan they wont let American guys into clubs and bars. I am an american expat in Brazil, and wow do we get attention down here. There are many, many more women than men in general in Brazil, add this to the sad but true fact that Brazilian men have a bad reputation as cheaters.
Brazilian are all about looks though, so the nerd is not going to get very far down here. So maybe I should go to Japan and find a lot of dating opportunities with all the single expat babes!
Who told you that? I know no one who hate American guys. Of course there exist some people here who hate the American Governmentnot people, because of their ideology most of them are ultra leftistnot right wingersbut they are so rare that you can forget them and there would be no problem. Gringo - Wow, sounds like you have a good deal going for ya down there in S.
AmericaWhy leave? I mean, super models stalking youI wish I had that problem! The attention i usually received, however, was not sincere. At social gatherings, they usually sat with each other at one table, rarely interacting with their wives. When their kids approach school-age, they are faced with a dilemma: Sending a bi-racial child to school in a homogenous country like Japan is not easy.
Another option is to go back home. Many often have to return because the wives whose English is competent by local standards is usually way below what is needed to obtain employment or even survive in the USA etc. Furthermore, many do not have the skills or training to compete in the work force where dual-income households are the norm.
This what i frequently observed after the honeymoon is over! I love how feminists are all convienent biological and evolutionary determinists when it suits them.
However the second you start discussing intrinsic differences between men and women which serve to explain and further justify the social and economic stratification of society, they shit themselves. And even when reality takes you by the neck and shoves your noses into your shitty attitude you manage to blame everybody else for being nothing but horrible partners to men.
But they will get laid and make money for their new families while you will end up as cat ladies when the bad-boy cock carousel throws you off for the new hot tweens. American women really are pretty screwed up.
Because the women never learn to treat men with respect as equal human beings, capable of the full range of thoughts, emotions and dreams, they live within a framework of rules and expectations when trying to interact with them.
This largely consists of sending severely mixed signals and failing to communicate effectively. HmmI am not sure how the view any of thislol. I think things have changed since I was last in Japan. But when I traveled there a lot back inI had many Japanese men as friends and a Japanese boyfriend who was pretty cute.
And before you even ask, no I am not cute, rail thin, or white. Yet, I have heard all the stories about foreign women having a time getting a date in the land of the rising sun. Your article was an informative and open look at how you felt about your experiences as a foreign woman in Japan.
It took some courage to put that all out there so thank you for sharing it with us. I know that sounds like a self-help slogan but it works for me. So keep the faith, he or she is out there people.
Thank you writing this article. I found it very interesting and it was nice to hear of others with similar experiences. Some of the comments from the male demographic are very shocking and uncivilized. Japanese male-foreign female marriages actually outnumber foreign male-Japanese female marriages.
Filipino, Taiwanese. I get J-guys chatting me up in konbini parking lots. I smile at people both men and women - not unheard of in the countryside and men smile back, maybe even too eagerly. And I had to ask my resident J-guy for his thoughts on this. His answer - attitude.
Uppity attitude and a smell of desperation are universal turn offs for guys, all over the world. His words, not mine.
You are absolutely right. However, for smart foreign men, I am including myself here, the dating pool is made even more vast by the existence of the dateless foreign women.
Jul 24, Honestly, it depends on your gender, race, and body type. A skinny white boy has much better dating prospects than a girls from Africa. In general, men have an easier time dating in Japan (especially men from "Western" countries - who are seen as. Granted I was in high school when I lived in Japan, and I didn't really date, but I did try. I did go out and had friends that went out and dated a lot. As a foreigner in the middle of Tokyo, the usual was to go to clubs. (One was called "Gas Panic", I remember.). The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner. May 21, Comments. , Views. Ever wondered what dating is like in Japan? Well, then here you go! However, be warned: If you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place.
This has had a serious ego fattening affect and I will certainly need counseling in order to re-adjust to life back in Canada but, for the time-being, I have super-powers. I wish you better luck in love, lust and all the wonderful little human things that make it fun to discover new people.
Just found this web site and this was the first article I read if all articles are this good, I think I have discovered a new favorite web site. I am a little surprised at some the uproar from a few readers as a western man who spent some time in Japan along with my western woman wife I think I can be an objective observer.
I thought Reannon was right on every account AND she did a wonderful job of pointing out a very real issue while at the same time being provocative and funny. Great article Reannon, looking forward to the next one. Foreign men are for the most part outside the norms, as are foreign women. Life in the big city of Tokyo is somewhat different, since there are so many foreigners there, unlike many other parts of Japan.
Have to say, as a Canadian white male married with kids to an Asian and living in Asia for 20 years, in general gotta agree with the author. Their anger and bitterness is usually kept a lid on back in their home country but when they come to Asia, where males generally still occupy more dominant position vis-a-vis the genders, emotions sometimes boils over.
Coupled with the fact that for some only god knows reason, many Asian women have a thing for White boys - leads to the Gaijin God phenomena. Consequently, Western woman can be a easy target - belittling, name calling, feminazis overtures bordering on misogyny and so on. Yeah, we are top of the totem poles again - lets get our licks in.
Most reasonable and open minded people however, will understand and agree that gender equality is a good thing and a moral standard all cultures around the world should strive towards. I read it and other similar articles on the plight of foreign women before going to Tokyo, and prepared myself for loneliness, and even bought a flexible ticket in case I wanted to leave Japan for a friendlier country. My experience has been the complete opposite I have never had so much male attention in my life!!
I bought a few new feminine outfits for socialising. I made friends with Japanese girls, who were happy to take me along to social events, and introduce me to Japanese guys. I am working really hard to improve my Japanese language skills, especially pronunciation, so that I can have a conversation with Japanese guys.
I also make an effort to understand someone when their English is really bad, and give them positive and encouraging feedback. This is so important: I have been approached by sleazy men on the street, but if you want to be approached by a nice guy, you need to go somewhere where he has the opportunity to approach you.
For example, a standing bar, a party, or some sort of social or networking event. I read a lot of comments from posters about overweight American women. Sorry if my comment appears boastful. I just want to encourage other western women that there is hope here in Japan. Your social calendar can be completely booked if you are willing to be a little open and have the right attitude.
Thanx for the story. Was there as well. Most important time of my life. But you know what, I love Japan for many reasons. It helped to grow up. Went there at I had the problem, that people looked at me all the time - and this was totally new for me, a shy and pale blondy from the countryside. Never had that back home. And very honest. Tatemae is not my style and never will be. You surely can get very depressed in Japan - but only if you let those bad feelings in.
Come to Korea. They will hit on you and you would get many dates. The western woman is the shining star here. And Western men get dates too. However, my Korean boyfriend tells me it is a lot easier to date than a Korean women.
Easy in the relationship sense. Not true for Western women everywhere. Grover - Aw, what a nice thing to say! I can relate to this article. Very interesting. As the world is becoming more globalized, western women no longer need to fear competition from Susie down the street, but also from some other woman halfway around the world.
Oftentimes these women are thinner, better looking and still raised with traditional family values instilled in them. Most women overseas are happy and grateful to receive the affections of a well educated western man from a good family.
Contrary to the beliefs of many a scorned western woman, not all men that desire foreign companions are undateable nerds, losers or outcasts. Many successful and attractive men are discovering their mates and life partners overseas. I predict that the demographic changes that will occur in the next 20 years will be astounding. Wow, what an extremely bitter author. Have you ever taken into consideration that your problem with dating in Asia may be because you just have a piece of shit personality?
Or lack a pretty face? She said that all Japanese guy wanted was a girl to look pretty and to open her legs. Nothing else was needed or desired. I have read that some Japanese women are looking abroad for husband material. Sadly, three beautiful children later, they divorced. If you happen to fall in love with someone from another country fine, but this shopping attitude makes me cringe. So basically some chick goes a few months without getting laid and has to write a snarky depreciating blog entry attacking white dudes?
Rather than lashing out, your time would be better spent on improving your own negative attitude. As expected, lots of bitter charisma men here : They get so defensive when people verbalize the truth - that Asia is full of loser foreign men. Sex is easy to come by for foreign women in Japan. Sex is easy for women anywhere. But having relationships in Japan is almost impossible because Japanese men are too sexist and the majority of foreign males are weird.
Most Japanese girls dating foreign men are average at best. Jagged teeth, unflattering clothes, ignorance, pigeon toes, naive as hell, and minimal social skills are the norm. Perfect for Charisma men :. Just make it a short visit or do a homestay. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone is going to find american women attractive and not every man finds asian women attractive.
The insulting comments were so unnecessary. This article was simply a woman sharing her experience. There was no need for everyone to insult and put each other down. How do I know this? From approaching a lot of these western women.
The perception is western women are hard to approach and hard to please so most men tend to steer clear especially when other alternatives are available.
Being a foreigner in Japan is definitely not easy, but then again it can be quite interesting. I was approached by many guys all the time to the point where it became uncomfortable. I truly believe it all comes down to attitude. And this is solely my experience! I soon realized that the more I dressed and acted like them, the more attention I got. Again, this is just my view on it after living there myself.
And striking a conversation with a stranger in Japan well. The keyword is to understand them. There are more than enough people to choose from in this world. So while its possible for a Western woman to have a string of one-night stands, or affairs with married men, getting a real relationship with a Japanese man is more difficult.
I am a male. I am black. I lived in Japan as a student for a year. I consider myself otakuish at the time and presently. I am not unattractive. Did I mention that I was black? Though not as easy as my Hitler calendar-boy colleagues man was he right or was he right? There real relationship unless you are hardcore intent on living and adapting to that culture. I believe this goes for both genders sorry transexuals no matter what culture you are trying to flirt with. You are in Rome eventhough we are calling it Japan this time.
I actually found it just as easy with girls various races for you wanna be eugenicists after I left Japan. Maybe some spark just needs ignition in all of us? Oh crap, my pony express riding great grandpa should have known! Western women smell like yeast? Sexy bread! On a global scale, what is the heiarchy of preference of women by stereotypical nationality anyways?
How does it go for men? Any takers from other races? Enjoy the stuck up attitude and entitlement. Give me an Asian or Black woman anytime over a white woman. My experience in China was that blacks were fairly openly disliked there.
They knew how to pickup chicks! Thanks for the thought-provoking article. It seems that the issue does not just involve American women trying to date Japanese and possibly other Asian men, American women seem to have a very similar problem with British men.
This is borne out by the following BBC news item:. I really hate to sound harsh, but it makes one wonder whether there may be some sort of growing global boycott against American women. I remember when I was a kid, I used to think adults were all mature, reasonable, and respectful.
Think about what is actually being said. Do we need to be enemies? Do we need to be better than other people? Do we need to put people done for the way they are? So what if a guy is born with less natural social skills?
Do we need to put people down? What if I told you I was a dorky white guy with a Samurai sword? Stop living a life filled with even a sliver of distaste in your mouth towards others.
Next time you see someone, anyone that you have a stereotype for, try to actual think of that person as more than 1-Dimensional: perhaps as a close friend. I apologize for this comment being overly sappy, but the anger and bitterness in this thread needs are serious counter-weight. Based off the talk here, it seems they must not be dorky not into anime etc. I just had to say I loved your article and its humour! Ignore them!!
Your article was funny in its honesty. Before I leave the house, I have to second think what I am wearing incase it sends the wrong message and attracts unwanted attention from creeps and sleezeballs. Ding dong. All men were quite nice, not very shy, friendly, they liked me a lot I met one very nice man from Tokyo and we talk via skype regularly.
First they were nervous and talked about weather and food and similar things, but later they opened and seemed to me very funny and enjoyable. Japanese dating sites! Me bring home just bit more than minimum wage. Me then take pretty girl to move. Then we go to bedroom. And usually equally large asses. I understand your annoyance Reapwhatyousew is your name deliberately misphrased? Do you mean all men here are ill-educated? Or do less educated, skilled men get laid more often?
Or that western women will sleep with anyone? There are male Neanderthals of course in Uk as well as in the US but it takes a female Neanderthal to go out with them. He might be ill-educated, and poor too, but he might be kind and a good mate for someone, a good father for his children. Speaking as an individual western woman and for many of my friends, colleagues, acquaintances, I like intelligent, interesting, honest, kind, authentic caring, sexy, respectful, knowledgeable, preferably educated confident men.
I know of no other woman who has or wants any other kind. Confidence and intelligence is sexy to me. Prejudice or the despising of others is not. I lived in the Philippines for 20 plus years. In fact I grew up there. Before I came to Canada, I was enamored with White girls. Now, I do not have much interest at them because they feel so entitled, are uppity, loud, arrogant, and act like men. I am talking about most White girls I have met, not all. The author of this post is a good example of a bitter, man-hating White woman.
Maybe if you relax a bit and have some humility, you will have Asian men come to you. Men in Asia do not like uptight women. Also, men in asia are used to women being women, not robots or he-women. Get real.
And sorry, we Asian men do not think that every expat that comes to Asia is akin to Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is not even that pretty. The author has traveled the world, but is yet still ignorant to the amount of foreign beauties.
You are not any better lady. Get a grip on reality. South American women are the hottest and most beautiful in my eyes btw. I have a friend that has a very posetive and outgoing personality. She is very strong minded, smart and pretty. She had no problems with Japanese men. Now she is married to a japanese guy :. I hear this all the time from the expat women in Asia.
But I have never had a problem with japanese men wanting to be with me in Japan. Secondly, I have a very open personality. But I do find that what alot of expat women consider taking care of their bodies, and looking good.
Its not wearing 10pounds of makeup and fake eyelashes that make u look good, its taking care of yourself and ur body. Eiry: To clarify, my name was misphrased because I was about 11 hours into a grave shift when I wrote it. Guys like myself I admit who are not sports builds or models, but who have college degrees, a good paycheck, and a personality that is deeper than a childrens pool have to work much harder at getting either meaningless sex OR a relationship due to first impressions.
They want a nice guy who is smart, blah blah blah, and they end up with someone who is emotionally abusive, cheats, or is exactly the barbarian dipshit that I described. It is funny though, because even after a difficult ice breaking encounter, their attitude changes a bit after they find out about my paycheck but thats for another board discussing another issue.
Reapwhatyousew :D: I think our western culture emphasizes the high of chemical excitement of immediately obliterating romantic sex or just sex so much that both genders fall to the ones that obviously ooze that charisma, no matter what their personality or values. The baddies in films are more than not, drooled over by women all over the planet.
1. Dating is not the same for foreign women and men!
Good for fantasy, bad for real life. Women are particularly susceptible though the guys get hooked as well. Despite our contemporary view of sex and relationships both biologically and socially, I think that the force of sexual allurement is still underestimated, still wildly primitive and likely to remain so for both genders. Not all will be blinded by this, and not just the unattractive and these are likely to be the golden ones.
The women that I mentioned have not partnered barbarians in their life though certainly found a few on the way. The ones more successful in their sexual and partnering hunt find a need to share values, to take some time, for respect.
I do think you and I have to work much harder to obtain the relationships we desire. Googling around the web and found this intriguing post! I find it hard to believe that a blonde-haired woman such as yourself and from your photo quite attractive spends her nights alone! Perhaps times have changed since this article was written!
I too am foreign, female and reside in Japan though not in Tokyo. I do visit Tokyo often and find that I am simply not able to converse with any local guys. Everyone tells me I look Japanese but believe me, I have never had anyone try to pick me up in Tokyo!
I do try to talk to various people as I am inherently fascinated by many things here. But again, there are advantages to looking local at times. I tend to go around being ignored and I do admit that at times, I probably face less prejudice compared with some of my friends. You deserved to be alone. I noticed how you just stopped responding to the male posts here against your article. Perhaps they are the ones who struck a nerve.
The entire article was just amazing. All the time while you were spending those long lonesome nights with your vibrator? I sincerely hope that you and all other white or any color women stay far far away from Japan.
I am not against American women at all. Yeah, some of them are stuck up bitches. But a lot of them are freaking awesome!
She thought she was entitled to whatever naturally without acting like the locals and blending in. Your stuck-up attitude is very clearly deeply ingrained and will forever avert you from achieving your true potential.
I pity you. Wow, for some reason your story really touched me. I hope that one day you will be able to find a partner you can be happy with and thankyou for sharing your story and feeling with us! This might be the first feed back from a Japanese male. I am a Japan-born Japanese male, a descendant of Samurai family, per cents of Japanese.
But it was until just 7 years ago I came to the UK. I have been working here in London since then and have found myself became more westernised. Now I have got objective eyes to compare myself in UK context with myself in the past within the Japanese local environmentIn fact, before I left from Japan, I was literally desperate for a foreign girl friend just like you!
After some failure to approach Japanese girls I started believing Japanese girls are too difficult for me to deal with due to their manner of unclear expression. At some point I started convincing myself that open-mind Western girls are more suitable for me.
I also believed I am a person who should look for a gender equal partnership rather than traditional Japanese way Later on I realised my behaviour is highly influenced by Japanese mind set through some experience with European girl friends though.
In addition to those points I have a little bit advantages. I am quite taller than average Japanese boys with long legs and not-thin eyes. I thought OK, this is my destiny to find a Western girl. It is time to carry on my plan!
I decided to try any possible ways to get a Western girl friend in Tokyo. I went to a popular club among foreigners, put my advertisements in free English magazines and took a place in language exchange parties.
Soon I got a chance to date with a very attractive girl from US, but at that time my English is totally useless to last a conversation more than 5 minutes Therefore, language! This is one of very crucial issues obstructing us to develop sweet relation with foreigners. Many of Japanese guys who want to seek for romance with foreign ladies are usually not brave enough to confront this problem.
There is another issue coming from nature of our society. We hardly have a frank communication with others on the street. Even though you are a Japanese looking for a Japanese - Japanese combination of partnership, you barely pick somebody up from outside of your own community.
On top of these issues as you may know we are too shyThe combination of those makes the worst resultBut please do not forget there are many motivated Japanese guys like me. After while living abroad I feel much more confident of English conversation. You just need to know where to find somebody like me. Not everywhere so you need to know some clue. Take ten random young Japanese women off the street and they will most likely be more attractive to men than ten random young Western women.
Therefore, if someone comes to an Asian country, and finds a girlfriend which is pretty likely, given the number of women in Asian countriesthen that girl will most likely be hotter than the girls the guy could have chosen back in his home country. I live in China, and I know plenty of cool, jock dudes from the West who had no problems getting chicks back home, but they still go for the local girls and largely ignore the white girls.
Why do you think we go abroad? Laughably high self-expectations Jennifer Anniston? Give me a break. Also, why date a self centered, self-absorbed American women when you could have a sweet and caring Japanese girl?
Es muy loco. Please stop generalizing Japanese women and NA women. The author is talking about her experiences in Japan from her point of view. I have lived in Japan for 5 years and I can tell you that it IS in fact, easier for a white male to get a date then a white female.
The probable reason for this is that women in NA tend to expect to be approached. Whereas, in Japan the current trend is for the women including Japanese women to do the confessing. Also, I find that culturally speaking, the dating process can be a lot more old-fashined and slow. For example, one time I was in the classroom grading some papers at my desk and I happen to be surrounded by 6 or 7 high school males looking in on what I was doing.
Your co-workers, fellow club members will often try to hook you up with someone else who is single. Nice to meet you. Also, this is going to sound crude, but it really helps if you have big brests and are a teensy bit curvy. If you ever watch Japanese porn or glance at porn mags in the convenience store, the girls tend to be a bit curvy not fat, but soft looking and have big boobs.
I loved the blog post and have read most of the comments. Having lived in Tokyo for 7 years most of the dialogue here is all too familiar! Rather than add anything to the age old debate on charisma man vs gaijin woman all I can do is tell it how it was for me. I arrived in Japan in my 30s, and dated mostly Japanese men for the entire time I lived there. The two longer term relationships I had were with a European and J-guy.
Great article, and the comments reflect the ongoing debate I got used to during my seven years in Tokyo. I love Japanese men, it took about three months to feel that way, just as soon as good old Mother Nature got to work!
Being in my 30s and divorced when I arrived may have made a difference to my experiences. Two Japanese and one European. Some people are way too shy to speak, and that language barrier is a major factor as others have said. Some guys want to tick something off their sexual bucket list, as do many foreign women too of course. I met several Japanese men looking for a serious relationship, others who were confirmed singletons. I also dated mostly younger guys, which was an interesting turn about for me!
I could ramble on about this topic forever but now is not the time. Thanks again for posting your experiences. This is an awesome read which mirrors every day of my invisibility from the age of 16 until now as a man in my home country, the US. Learn their language, do what they do, and everyone will be better for it. By that they mean looking and acting more like Japanese women.
The best relationship I had happened because we were already a great match, there was no need to force it. Have you single ladies ever asked yourself why Japanese women have different standards than American or Western women? The biggest problem is the social structure and the inherent chauvinism.
Most of the foreign women I knew ended up dating other expats, from anywhere from Europe to Africa. Jorge Good point. In my travels through Latin America, I have had to work hard to not be in the center of male attention wherever I go not successfully, mind you, because foreign women stick out. Reannon - I read your interesting article. Our family friend is an expat single white female in China. It is almost impossible for her to get a date.
Note this: your experience exactly matches those of Asian men in your situationwhen they visit America that is.
Dating as an Asian foreigner in Japan. Anyone with experience dating in Japan as an Asian foreigner? Best place to live? Better dating with Japanese girls or other foreigners? I'm ABC, thinking about a possibility to live in Asia for a few years. help App coins premium gifts Communities Top Posts Topics. Dating in japan - Rich man looking for older man & younger woman. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a lady. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. Register and search over 40 million singles: voice recordings. Join the leader in relations services and find a date today. Aug 11, I am married now but the first couple of times I came to Japan, I was single and mingling. I don't want to paint all Japanese women in a single brush, but I'm just relaying how my experiences affected my view of foreigners dating Japanese women in.
Coming to a foreign country from their perspective they find it almost impossible to fit into your western culture, and quite frankly, no American white girl wants to date them, no matter how persistently they approach them.
Unfortunately, this kind of stuff just proves to me that love between an Asian man and a White female, whether in Japan, America, or any other place, is so rare that you might as well not even bother. By the way, Asian men absolutely adore White women. My other Asian friends gave up the interracial dating scene a very long time ago, when the th rejection got to be just too much to bear.
I have lived in Japan for two years and it IS easier for Caucasian men to get dates than for Caucasian women. You get no attention at all! You also look very unpolished compared to the dolled-up Japanese girls yikes!
I think its just you sweetheart you cant get a man back home and in Asia. Look at these responses! Roth, welcome to the feeling of being unwanted and unattractive. Many guys in the U. Welcome to the club!
Japanese Men on Dating Foreign Women (Interview)
The dating rules and culture are very different here. Plus the prize of Japanese boyfriend may not be what you were expecting. There are masses of hot young Western men in Tokyo for me to choose from. If you use the internet. Are you a Charisma Man perhaps? I came to Japan for business I meet a beautiful Japanese lady the first day in Japan we fell in love and got married and now I live in Tokyo.
You say you are average or a cute lady for US. Your chances of getting a date are nearly zero among so many beautiful desirable Japanese ladies.
Its true I got a more beautiful wife here than I had in US, you call it a dating loop hole, reality is US is a dating cesspool, I always thought I was way to good for most American woman, I dress well, work out a lot have a great education and good job, most US woman dress like slobs or sluts are fat and lazy, if they have a college education its useless like french or something.
Woman around the world are much more desirable thinner and lady like than woman in the US. Trust me your large and in charge attitude and your belief that your better than everyone else just wont take American woman very far in Japan.
I am a western woman in Tokyo, been living here for years, and I have never really had trouble finding dates. Western women here just need to be willing to go out and be daring and not get discouraged if you come up nill after only a few tries. You wrote this with insulting comments towards American men, sprinkled with conceited comments towards Japanese men and women. And now you wonder why people respond in kind? You set the tone with your own judgmental attitude. Allow me to underscore some of the issues here.
You thought 9 months was a long time. You never even got past the first stage of living abroad before you gave up. Women in Japan make the first move. That means you have to swap roles with the American guy and take the initiative. Start with buying a gift, it need not be expensive. Valentines is to your favor in Japan.
All Japanese know foreigners, especially the women, are only there for a short time. Try again. Choose a target, and keep trying. Undoubtedly much faster than an American man trying to pick up girls we have to try to many more times.
Get used to it if flings are your thing in Japan. Does hitting on random guys work for long-term relationships in America? Long-term relationships the world over are began through connections.
Be it a common social group, work, or mutual friends. The latter is the rule in Japan. So much in Japan is done by word of mouth and mutual trust.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone in Japan is to be ostracized.