If you are new to the world of wheelchairs your life has probably been filled with new experiences and new information. Over the years we have learned many things about being in a relationship with someone in a wheelchair. Some lessons have been life altering, some lessons have hurt physically and some lessons leave us in a fit of laughter. Despite our list there are endless things we have learned and continue learning. One thing we can agree on and has been a major life lesson is that dating or marrying someone in a wheelchair is the same as having a relationship with an able bodied person.
Often people worry about things like: will they have to help us with personal care the answer to that is no, if we need it we will have help in place already.
If you have questions it's best to get them out in the open rather than dwelling on them. Don't automatically presume we cannot have sex. Many wheelchair users enjoy a very healthy sex life. Expect our friends to be over-protective of us. They've been there for us through the laughter and tears of the previous relationship, and picked us back up from it.
Until they see you're here to stay they'll be suspicious. Just because we're in a wheelchair it doesn't mean we can't walk a little bit. Some of us are able to walk short distances on good days.
But keep the 'it's a miracle, you've been cured' joke to yourself. We've got moves you haven't seen. Stick some music on and we can happily dance along. Whether that's competitive wheelchair dancing, or just raving in our chair. He did a very hilly 15k Boilermaker in Utica, NY this past year in his standard chair with only 3 months of training for a wheelchair challenge to try and win a racing chair.
He was 30 minutes over the time but a generous lady anonymously gave the money for him to get one and he should have it to start training when winter is over. He finished it though. He accomplished his goal.
Dating a man in a wheelchair might not present any additional - or any fewer - challenges than dating a man not in a wheelchair. A woman can have quite enjoyable times with a man who is in a wheelchair. The concerns that she may have will depend upon his level of autonomy, the . Accomodate Amenities. Dating an impaired woman is not any different compared to dating a "normal" woman. The feelings of nervousness, exhilaration, fun and enthusiasm exist weather you are dating a handicapped woman or a regular woman. Dear Cosmo, We are pleased you have published an article on women with disabilities: 12 Things you should know before dating a woman in susanneill.com women on wheels are not used to being portrayed as "dateable" in the media, so thank you for choosing to be inclusive!
Sometimes the chair allows for greater abilities to be seen rather than those that were lost. I was so proud and still am! He has made me see the strength in myself as well! Thank you for this list and sorry this was so long. Thank you again! Hey Ashley! SO glad you found us! It can make all the difference in a new wheelchair users life.
Glad you guys are figuring out your new wheelchair life! I treat him normal.
A wheelchair makes no difference to me. What matters is who is sitting in it. The most realistic answer to these questions is that even if the hottest girl at the party were the girl in the wheel. My Experience with Dating a Woman in a Wheelchair Ali and I recently took our first big trip together to Miami, where she lived for nearly 10 years, for her first real vacation since her accident in Most men say I'm attractive but are not interested in dating paraplegic girls or dating wheelchair girls in general. Fantastic story, I have been dating an amazing woman, she is a paraplegic. More importantly, she is a vibrant, intelligent, independent and freaking sexy woman. The only issues have been my own, having never know, let alone.
I found this guy was so depressed and massed up. I truly love him. Hello everyone!! I was reading your comments and i thought i should i write down my experience too. I have been dating a paraplegic guy for about 1 and half yrs now. I must say, he is the coolest guy i have ever met although i dont have so much experiences with guys He is 34, paraplegic for 9yrs so far, and i feel so lucky i met him. This attitude of his and the way he sees life, has inspired me and i just want to look like him.
The only sad thing, is that we are not in a proper relationship it was his will and you know. I just wish i was his girlfriend.
That is the only thing that makes me sad. I met the most amazingly funny, gorgeous and smart guy SCI. We got on so well and I really like him. How would you take it? I have been with my Bf for 6 yrs now, living together 3yrs.
Working progress. He been wonderful helping me raise my kids. Am so grateful for that. Times get tough usual accidents and UTI, we do our best and handle it well. His sense of humor makes everything easy to get through. I know people think there disability holds us back, but in reality there disability is what keeps us going, and makes us strong.
When I get sick all i can think about is who going to take care of my kids and him. I want to live and be stronger for him and of course my children. Am more of his partner in crime, and most importantly best friend. Its just a matter if finding the right person to help you get through it. I loved this article a year ago and love it today.
My husband is a quad with c3-c4 injury. Now listen, he is amazing and my complete counterpart. I fart in the bed, sometimes he pees. I always wear slides on my feet. For quick removal in case of caster problems. Nothing is ever easy though, it takes a strong person to be with him but with a sense of humor and a quick tongue, life is good.
My partner is a T7 paraplegic. How do u guys even have sex? I believe this is a test of our love. Please give me some advice on sex after spinal cord injury and intimacy. Thanks for your comment! Feel free to email us at info wheellove. I sustained my injury 18 years ago. Due to a motorcycle accident. I have no sensation below my rib cage. In regards to having sex and pleasing your lady.
My pleasure now is making sure my partner is totally pleased. Which can be done with some intimate kissing, touching and toys if needed. I have much more to share. That it was a amazing experience. It takes awhile to figure things out. For the first 3 years after my injury. My penis would get a full erection after some stimulation. By my partner. I got the enjoyment of the visual. With her on top obviously because of my paralysis.
We would use my wheelchair as well. For her to sit on my lap. Ok, I think I jabbered enough. Good luck and God Bless you both. Hey Mike, so sorry to hear about your negative experiences! Meet a mature person who will love you just the way you are. Thanks for the grins. Still have lots of questions, but time will provide the answers.
Dating a Girl in a Wheelchair. What's it Like?
Sheesh, they become weapons! The next issue the one that goes along with the size 16 feet. Every day is a new adventure and a new learning experience, just as it should be with any new relationship. They have no clue because she has not told them she wears a depends and has bathroom issues. In the beginning she was fearful after the first few bathroom accidents in the bedroom that I would break it off with her. I told her I will never leave her for the things she can not control.
Still took her time to trust and believe it because others had been down right verbally abusive about it. Everytime I help him in and out of bed, or in and out of his car, he always gets surprised by how easily I lift him out of his car usually both his mom and sister have to help him.
My boyfriend always likes to make himself look like the handicapped sign in parking spaces, and he always tricks the kids he talks to at our local driving school that he uses sticks and duck tape to drive his car!
M also the patient of c5c6 but everyone is not like u dear u care too much of ur dear one. Megan, your comment about the impersonating a handicap sign definitely made me laugh. I just started dating a paraplegic about 2 months ago. You have made me laugh today which is great cos was having a bad day previously.
My marriage fell apart just after 25 yrs cos my husband was an alcoholic which I always thought was my fault. I really saw myself in most of the points. My boyfriend 29 years old, in wheelchair for 18 ys and I are now for over 2 years a couple. And that people truely are willing to help when there are to many stairs to handle alone or swapping places in restaurants ok, sometimes it can be really annoying when people are TOO helpful sometimes.
And yes, the stares. Wash day can be every day! Even at in the morning. Backpacks become so much better than purses too!! But that means more time with your partner!! My BF is queer with MD, so he can do virtually no chores anyway. Ladies thank you so much for that article. It had my wife years and I in stitches. After almost 9 years of marriage and 5 years of me in my chair every point made us laugh and shout YES!! From the stares to the castors to theof all thingsurine!
Thank you for your kind words, Jason! Glad we could make you laugh! Thanks for joining us! Much love! Love this! My hubby was paralysed t4 in sept and I had our twins the month after!
Works hard, inspires everyone he meets, and never lets his disability paraplegic stop him. I am in a wheelchair a yr n 3 months ago. Its been an experience. Its scarey at times trying to relearn things again or new things. I had melt down after melt down. Its ok just have it start over. My husband has been a trooper the past year. He learned all he needed to care for me.
He still gets a little impatient at times. My biggest one is the hospitals how really equipped they are a lot of drs offices are too. So you end up sitting in your chair to get examed. And lastly airplanes in case of an emergency really how does a paraplegic get to an exit without being trampled. Scarey thought there. But it is what you make of it.
You can be sad n pity for me or you can cut up and make the worst to a joke. I told him he better go back to his books cuz I would have grand babies to chase one day Not wheel them around. My wheelchair is safer and faster but I cannot stand up to reach things without the leg braces.
EVENTS & ENTERTAINING
So I mostly use both wheelchair and leg braces together. The footrests on my chair are in the middle and close together. The right footrest plate is just a little higher to make up the difference in my leg length. I was on the way to the file room when I took a corner too fast and actually ran into this very handsome man in a suit. I was so embarrassed!
Not so much because I ran into him, but when I did, my right foot actually came off the footrest, knocking my shoe off. I looked too and could see the pink polish on my toenails through my tan pantyhose.
Now most everyone has seen my legs of course, but I realized at that moment no one at work has ever seen my bare feet.
They are so limp and thin. I was really was embarrassed. This man had to see me pick my leg up with my hands and get my foot back on the footrest of the wheelchair. Especially men dating paraplegic girls. They like to see how a handicapped girl moves her legs with her hands getting out of a car, and things like that.
Sometimes, when I know I have an audience, I put on a little show. I struggle a little more than I really have to. Not this time. He handed the shoe to me awkwardly. He looked so cute now blushing just as much as I was. I thanked him and pulled my leg up by lifting under one knee. This makes my foot point down. I hooked my toes with the shoe and pulled it onto the heel of my foot. He introduced himself as Jeff.
We both made our apologies and started talking about where we were going, what our jobs were, who we knew and things like that. Somehow we got on the subject of baseball. Jeff asked me if would like to watch the game that night with him at a bar a few blocks from the office. I would love to go on a date with this handsome, polite man. But I get so nervous on first dates.
Being in a wheelchair we are a bit more vulnerable. I always feel like my disability is just hanging out there. Like, I know men new to dating paraplegic girls, want to ask me about my disability. We made a meeting place and parted ways for the afternoon. I am having a very hard time of going from one end of the desirable scale to the other virtually overnight. My ego is shot to bits as I am constantly passed over. Imagine having someone hounding you to get together but they have failed to read the profile.
When they finally learn I am in a wheelchair they suddenly do a fast reverse as they run for the hills. The reality of the situation is I am still able to do most everything I did before. I still crave all the emotional and physical needs we all want. That evening, we met as expected and walked, well I wheeled, down to the bar for a few drinks. Nothing serious just good conversation and all to soon I was home.
My disability was a turn-off. Oh well, just another guy not interested in dating paraplegic girls I thought. I tried to push all my insecurities to the back of my mind.
Just then, he asked me how I came to be in a wheelchair. He had wanted to approach me many times but was too shy to talk. Back at my car Jeff offered to help me get in. Of course I told him I could manage as I did it every day. We made plans for dinner the next evening. He pecked me on the cheek and walked away to where his car was parked. I slid my butt into the seat of my Volvo and put my legs in one at a time.
My car has hand controls and a wheelchair lift that keeps the chair over the roof. He dropped by my office around lunch on his way to a meeting to say hi and to make sure he was still picking me up at That day I was in my wheelchair wearing my leg braces as usual. I was wearing a longer skirt, around mid-calf, so he could only see a little of my braces and my black three inch high heels.
We shared a laugh at his cleverness and I asked which would he prefer. Admitting he had no experience dating paraplegic girls. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I immediately thought, I have just the outfit for you handsome.
Before I got to wet I eagerly agreed to use the leg braces and he went on to his meeting. That evening when I arrived home I bathed myself in the shower. I have a special shower chair just for bathing. Most mobility handicapped folks use one.
It stays in the shower. I transfer from my wheelchair into it and back out again. Sitting on just a towel, naked in my wheelchair, I dried my hair and my upper body.
Then I pulled each leg up to my lap and dried them off. I put on some makeup and teased my hair then went to dress. First I needed just the right bra. A sexy bustier to push my breasts up would work. Skimpy and lingerie like enough to be inviting.
I went with a silky, dark purple bra with black lace over most of the cup. The mirror over my dresser told me with a close look you could actually see my nipples through the lace. My nipples hardened as my thoughts drifted off to my date seeing me in my delicate bra.
I smiled taking panties that matched the bra and a pair of tan pantyhose from my dresser and wheeled to my bed. Shifted my butt to the bed and pulled my legs up behind me.
One foot at a time through the panties and up my legs got them to the tops of my thighs. I bunched up the waistband and with a quick bum hop motion slid my bottom into my panties.
The Challenges of Dating a Man in a Wheelchair
The pantyhose were next. Still sitting up with my lifeless paralyzed legs out in front of me, I pulled one leg up to my chest. Bunching up one leg of the hose, I worked it over my small foot and over my ankle.
By letting my leg fall back into place, I pulled the nylon up along my leg to around my knee, and repeated the process with the other leg. I straightened the hose around my feet and calves, making it a little tighter. Then I worked the hose up my legs and to my thighs just like the panties.
A tip for any guys dating paraplegic girls. We go to a lot of trouble to look nice for you, be sure to compliment us. With the pantyhose, I have to lay back on the bed and kind of lift my bottom as I pull the hose to my waist. My problem is my legs are so thin around my thighs. Those type of hose would actually end up sliding down my legs before I made it to my car. I rolled over to the side of the bed and picked up both leg braces, laying them on the bed beside my legs.
Using one hand, I lifted my leg from just above my ankle. I could feel the pantyhose under my hand. I wondered what it felt like for a woman that could feel her legs. Wonder what it would feel like to have your legs wrapped in pantyhose.
Feeling them rub against each other under your skirt, or what pantyhose felt like over your feet. I just enjoy the feeling that comes from my hand. I took my other hand and laid the leg brace under my leg. Where I could place my leg in the shiny steel cradle of the brace. The strap under my knee gets tightened first, then above my knee, then my thigh strap. I do the same with my right leg, lifting the leg into the brace and fastening the straps tightly on my legs.
I unlock the knees so my legs will bend and slide myself back to my waiting wheelchair. I can lift my legs now using my hands on the braces, so I lift them one at a time into the footrests of the chair and go to my shoes. Once in the bed, knees still unlocked, I pull each leg up so I can reach my foot, still naked in its nylon.
So with a little work I get the shoes onto my feet and attach them to the braces. Now lowering my legs to the floor, I lock the leg braces straight and reach for my crutches.
Standing, slowly at first to keep my balance, I begin to take my first swinging step to my closet. Showered and dressed in my bra pantyhose and leg braces, I can stand to wiggle into that tight black dress. I can stand without crutches as long as I have something to balance myself on.
So I balance against the dresser and lean the crutches against the bed. I pull the dress over my head and around my body, smoothing out the soft fabric and letting it fall just above my knees. After a few looks in the mirror I decided I was ready for the evening date and crutched it back to my wheelchair. I told you dating paraplegic girls go to a lot of trouble.
Since the one footrest is a little higher for my shorter leg, and I was now wearing my braces with the built up shoe on that foot, my right leg sits up higher than my left. I like to cross my right leg over my left, which I did of course by picking the right leg up and pulling it over the left.
I took notice of the slit in my dress when I did that to see just how much of my leg was exposed. I could see to just under the thigh strap of my brace, perfect I grinned.
It should be just enough to get Jeff wanting to see more. I sat staring at my disabled legs in braces wondering how the events of the evening would go.
I heard the knock at my door I had been waiting on. I turned my wheelchair and headed for the door. When I got to the door, I invited Jeff in, the door was open. He entered looking great and holding flowers. He immediately complimented me on my choice of dress. I retreated to the kitchen with the flowers for a vase as he sat down in the living room.
We made typical small talk about work that day while I tended to the flowers. Then I went to the bedroom for my crutches and returned to Jeff swinging my legs a little slower than usual, and dragging that left leg a little more than usual. I had already decided that I wanted to put on a good show for Jeff. He would see just how crippled I really am, a kind of acid test to sort the men from the boys.
I could feel his eyes burning on me as I descended the ramp off my front porch and to his car where he held the door open.
I ask him to take my crutches for me, which of course he did, and I transferred myself down into the car seat, still stiff-legged. I showed him how the leg brace knee locks work in case he wanted to know for later.
I pulled both legs in at once to keep my dress from opening up for the world to see. Jeff stowed the crutches and wheelchair and off we went. The common public reaction to seeing a sexy handicapped girl is one of confusion. Many have trouble connecting the two, sexy and handicapped. They often look my date up and down for signs of a disability. I swung my braced legs out and let the knee locks snap into place. Jeff quickly came around with my crutches and helped me to my feet.
I told them I could manage the four steps up to the entrance. I was actually secretly excited that Jeff would get to see me conquer the steps. I told Jeff I needed him to hold one of my crutches and stand behind me in case I slipped.
Dating a woman in a wheelchair
With my left crutch on the first step, and my right hand on the handrail, I pushed against the crutch and let my legs drag behind me up onto the step. My right leg came first as usual, and then my left. I had to twist my body a little to get my left foot over the step. I took the steps slowly, giving Jeff plenty of time to see the braces through the slit in my skirt and enjoy my struggling up the steps.
I made it to the door fine, where the doorman held the door for us both. Wine gets people talking and it certainly did its trick on us. Jeff confided that he had never known my legs were different lengths and was interested in the thick sole on my right shoe.
I explained how my shoes were of different sizes due to my right foot being smaller. He told me how gracefully I moved in the leg braces, and how beautiful he thought I was.
This one is a keeper I thought to myself. A true gentleman knows the difference. One time I shifted under the table and moved my leg out just far enough for him to feel my brace against his leg. I saw his cheeks blush and gave him a little smile. I quietly reassured him that I was okay with him touching the braces and that I admired him very much. I even pushed my chair in a little where the pad on the knee was rubbing the inside of his thigh.
We sat like this through dinner and through our second bottle of wine by the time the check came. Jeff kept his hand around my waist as we made our way outside and down those steps to the car. Jeff took my crutches without my asking and I pulled my legs into the car. We leaned into each other on the ride back to my house. His strong warm hand paused when he softy touched the skin of my silky smooth thigh making me gasp.
When we got home, I invited him in and got out of the car where he was waiting with my crutches. I crutched up to the door, again with his hand on my waist only it was a little lower this time.